I’m sitting here on this fucking piece of metal and fabric woven together with time and energy and money and brain with this 

other fucking piece of metal and electricity and lights on my fucking lap of cells and skin and the screams of the voices

of children being born trying to figure all this shit out. like as if this is life; when we sit and think that stories

that are so profound just fill our brains up with soups of the present that are like a fog that disrupts clarity.

but what is clarity. what the fuck is life. we think sitting here and existing is life but who is god and who is not and where

do i fit in, do i have a purpose, why why why why whywhywhywhywhywhy don’t i just take all the drugs i can find and lie on

the floor in complete madness; slicing my cells from one another over and over just to feel things. what stops me from doing

things like this, isn’t that what we always do; just hang out and feel things like feel our emotions and these experiences

like they are reality and they even matter. what keeps me from doing these things what is bad and what is good what does 

that even mean. god are you even real; i don’t even know who i am.

Low rising, because there’s no further for us to fall. 

I’m not stupid; maybe I’m uninteresting to you because you aren’t actually listening to anything I’m saying. You’re just spending the breaks in between your sentences to prepare for your next witty remark. 

literally cannot handle Zac Efron like just look at him… woULD YOU JUST LOOK AT HIM

okay i am tripping because i got like 3 hours of sleep last night and i just decided to watch donnie darko. maybe donnie darko is a bad idea 

i just died at some girl’s picture of tacos on facebook that said “homemade tacos yum hits the spot” and she hashtagged “icancook”

like whoa dam girl you made some tacos shit what is this sorcery 

These last few moments of my 18th year on the Earth slide away one after the other to gently shove me into my next. I’ll take a step forward, but first, I’ll lament a final farewell; a bitter-sweet biological feat that’s transformed my body and my soul more than I ever imagined, just as every year changes us astoundingly more than expected. I’ve risen and fell but kept on beating like my heart beneath my ever rising and falling chest. Though I have risen, I’ve acknowledged the impending fall, because we must fall to appreciate the rise. Though I have fallen, I’ve kept my chin up, for I know we must rise to understand the fall. I’ve seen that even as the holy and the righteous can not rise beyond the highest which is in each one of us, so the wicked and the weak can not fall lower than the lowest which is in each one of us, also. I’ll forever look to the Lord to free me from my vices and to liberate me from these prisons. I’ve been shoved down and exiled by friends, but I am not a pariah in the eyes of the Lord. His sovereignty is everlasting. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Hear this quiet acknowledgement and farewell year #18. I look forward to the adventure that is planned for me. I hope that God will invade my heart more and more each day, that I will live a life of a wild mind but a quiet heart, that I may learn from each experience, and Love my neighbor as myself. Though time may give me more that my poor bones could ever take, may they bear the weight of my life with my perseverance and loyalty and the help of God. 

What an adventure my life has turned out to be.

Amen.

skeletales:

San Francisco-based artist Jeremy Mann lives and works in San Francisco where he executes these sublime, moody cityscapes using oil paints. To create each work he relies on a wide range of techniques including surface staining, the use of solvents to wipe away paint, and the application of broad, gritty marks with an ink brayer. The resulting paintings are dark and atmospheric, urban streets seemingly drenched in rain and mystery.

I die at this.